Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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