she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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