and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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