Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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