Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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