I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
