There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
