fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
