Umm I'm too high to move.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
