Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
