remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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