Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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