Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
