I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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