so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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