well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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