I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
