I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
