I smell stomach acid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
