NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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