i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
