I wish I only lived at night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
