Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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