I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How's work?
Spinning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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