highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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