you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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