My friends, they love my intelligence
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
