Will you blow on my dice?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
