she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
