I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
