best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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