He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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