she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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