we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
