who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight