Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.