im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.