**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.