he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.