remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
