I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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