I don't think brook has ever known best
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
