The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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