Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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