Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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