I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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