the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
