check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Everclear isn't food dammit
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
