just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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