Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
