this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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