Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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