I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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