I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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