if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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