Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
