I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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