Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
