you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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