plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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