i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
