Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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