I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
