i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
