I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
