I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
