I wish you could order shots online.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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