his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
