k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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