I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
