Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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