i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
