Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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