I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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