I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
